Monday 01/07/2008 5:28:28pm Name: jim Location: cork boy Favourite Spotter: All of 'em Comments: happy new year all. congrats to the ladies. saw the picture there, smiley familiar faces, friends, old times etc etc. but who the hell are the two toodles on the right hand side? spotter clearance form anyone? hello?

Thursday 11/08/2007 11:59:11pm Name: The Host Location: Working... meh meh meh meh meh Favourite Spotter: All of 'em Comments: Well lads... Its that time of the year again... The leaves are falling, its getting colder... girls are wearing more and more by the day... we are on the other side of the world from tit monday. But its not all bad... for its this time of the year, the lads hit the gym, go handy on the sauce for 2 months and get their bod... temples ready for an embarrasing morning down the local community centre. I was looking over the website... fuck we've a lot of players! So I tried with phone calls to Snuffy, to keep everyone happy with the teams this year, so here they are: We are putting in 2 teams to the blitz this year: Team 1: The Trainspotters Kevin Lynch (capt.) Trevor O’Donoghue Mick O’Donoghue Daniel Shanahan Padraig Shanahan Peter Burke Frank O’Rahilly Cormac Lyons Ivan Stewart Team 2: F.U.B.A.R. The Wasters Eoin McSweeney (capt) Liam O’Connor Donal O’Connor Eoin O’Sullivan Micheal Horan Mark Biggane Ruairdhi Daly John Lyons Declan Cronin Pearse Cronin James Kelliher James Curran Now theres a good chance of both teams doing well as long as were not bent over and lubed up by the organinsing committee AGAIN this year. Seeing as we've got Frank the Tank with us this year I wouldn't be altogether surprised if they put us in Premier Men! THE JOCK IS BACK... LONG LIVE THE JOCK! I'm still thinking it isn't too late to change the name on the B team... the forehead mongrils, for example, kind of rolls off the tongue in an homage to that huge bone plate, that is Kevin Lynchs forehead. Donal is back, and maybe, with his Scumbaggy ways, the lads can nick a title. Also, obviously, Castleisland's and other far flung regions such as Killarney's C.P.A. (Concerned Parents Association) will not be happy to hear that this good looking bunch of "athletes" are back on home soil for the best part of 2 weeks. Lock up your daughters! Oh yes, just to get ye all in the mood for the festive period, I've attched some reading material and some handy phrases to ensure you're not in the dark if stuck in a room with Burke and the Bullshit... this is for you Kev: My personal favourite: "She's been shot over more times than Sarajevo" I'm as sick as a small hospital I'm so hungry I'd eat a small child She had a face on her like a well slapped arse You're as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit My mouth's as dry as a nun's crack He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician As funny as a burning orphanage He's so camp, he sh1ts tent pegs I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes I feel like a boiled sh1te (hungover) (when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn As busy as the dalkey dole office Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit As tight as a nun's knickers I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry. Up and down like a hoor's knickers No show pony but would do for a ride around the house Did your mother find out who your father is yet? What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt? I left her with a face like a painters radio A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche As fit as a butcher's dog She's got more chins than a Chinese phone book Not even the tide would take her out Mother Teresa wouldn't kiss her Daz wouldn't shift her Des Kelly wouldn't lay her A sniper wouldn't take her out Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked piss off a nettle She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede She had a f@nny like a badly packed kebab If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall Give her a boot in the arse and a bucket of mickeys would fall out of her She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorilla's back Looks like she's been dunking for apples in a chip pan Had more hands up her than sooty! She's got a face like a dog licking piss off a nettle. It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe! She's got a face that could make an onion cry. I wouldn't ride her into battle. Everyone has a right to be ugly, but she abuses the privilege I wouldn't do her with a rusty pole More chins than a chinese phone book She smells like an alkies carpet She has seen more japseyes than an oriental optician It's like shaggin a pail of water. It's like shaggin the sleeve off a wizards cloak! She's killed more c*cks than a fowl butcher Fanny like a ripped out fireplace Face like a sand blasted tomato Arse like a bag of washing She sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant She's seen more helmets than Hitler A face like a stuntman's knee She's got a fanny like a badly packed kebab She's seen more cockends than weekends I left her with a face like a painter's radio Fanny like a clowns pocket Fanny like a Hippo's yawn She's that ugly not even a sniper would take her out I bet she's got a fanny like a pub carpet She's seen more pricks than a second hand dartboard. Face like a blind joiners thumb She's done more lengths than Duncan Goodhew Even the tide wouldn't take her out Got more finger prints on her than Scotland Yard Handled more balls than Dino Zoff Piss flaps like John Waynes saddle bags She had a pair of flaps on her like a gutted trout A c*nt like a burst couch A face like she's been ram raiding on scooters She's had more seamen than margate She's seen more stiffs than Quincy! Cocked more times than Elmer Fudds shotgun Toodles ladies

Wednesday 07/25/2007 0:56:33am Name: Location: Paris Favourite Spotter: ShyGuy Comments: I hear some of the Spotters are heading to the rugby world cup... messy I'd say! snuffy - has started a trend of semi-naked (read: naked) dancing on stage with half the irish team. Odds: 2 to 1 on for a photo of his arse to appear in the sunday world before the end. the bolt - when not bolting, the bolt is to be found throwing 50 euro at some random from d4, shouting 'yeah. Do one, will ya' - a talent only to be used when the current venue is gone stale, and an inspired move to another house of public repute is needed. He leads, but like no other. The Bullshit - may get pissed off early as other members of the group are prone to a bit of friendly banter with this boy, but the form will return late in the night when he conjures up the one-liner of the tournament, summoned deep from his gamut of énonciations spéciales. Said one liner will inspire group bonding and much joyous laughter for the remainder. The Host - what this man doesn't bring to a tournament of this size is not worth packing my friend... stimulation, Narration, Observation, Inspiration, adoration, Congratulation, Admiration... .. Degeneration, perspiration, Ejaculation, Exaggeration, Consternation, Condemnation. More '-ation' than a nation. begbie - one of the special ones. if he doesn't somehow end up in the belgian wilderness some nite, his bag or passport will... - unlucky, ill timed, regrettable, inopportune, disastrous, unfortunate... - words that follow this man around like a large wake behind a coffin. ...however, he always comes out wearing shades and smiling at the other end. whichever je-ne-sais-quoi he lobs the gob at the first night will turn up in every pub he visits for the complete and un-abridged duration of the world cup, ...staring, staring. just staring... all nite long. The Shadow - a master of many arts... can be in the full throws of the farmer dance, but simultaneously knows the position of every bird in the room, each mentally flagged with an aura of green/yellow/red. Stealth mode is kept close at hand ..with the safety off. Wise and skillful is this one. Currently brushing up on the french. Watch and learn. Favourite to be voted player of the tournament. The Chimp - gets into equally unusual situations as begbie - but often with better luck. although unconfirmed sightings will be common, no one will actually know for sure that the Chimp was at the world cup until near the end - at which point the spotter group will first hear him, and then meet him - sitting outside a cafe drinking coffee, chatting up two stunning german backpackers - who will have, for some unknown reason, given him free lodging for the week. When questioned about his whereabouts, he will laugh heartily, and say, "ah shur, I said I'd see what all the hype was about." and change the subject. ...should be good.

Thursday 07/19/2007 9:58:19pm Name: Location: Favourite Spotter: All of 'em Comments: I love you both. Especially you Snuffy. But especially you Biggane We have a big crew this Christmas - crowds will flock around us to celebrate the return to Castleisland of this legend. Happy trails Lynch

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