One day three midgets decided they wanted to be in the record books the fist one says "I have pretty short arms", so he goes and succeeds. The second one says "I have pretty short legs," so he goes and succeeds.The third one says "I have a very small penis," and when he comes back he says "Who the hell is Leonardo DiCaprio?"
The story goes that three people died one day and went to Heaven where they were greeted at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. 'How much do you make a year?' St. Peter asked the first person. The man replied, '$500,000.' 'Go and stand over there with the surgeons and lawyers,' St. Peter said. Then he asked the second person: 'And how much do you make a year?' 'About $200,000,' she replied and was promptly told to stand with the accountants. St. Peter then turned to the third person. 'How much do you earn a year?' he asked. 'About $6,000,' admitted the man. St. Peter stopped in his tracks, looked at the man keenly and said: "And would I have seen you in anything?'
Question: What's the difference between an actor and a mutual fund? Answer: Mutual funds eventually mature and make money.
While Carl Reiner was directing one of his movies he had an extra, an aspiring actor, who was having problems with simple directives. Reiner had asked the actor to go to the bathroom during the scene but the actor kept balking. "What's my motivation?" the actor asked Reiner. "I need to know my motivation." "What?! You're going to the bathroom!" a frustrated Reiner said. "Mmmm," said the actor, "not enough." Finally Reiner said, "Okay, okay. Go to the bathroom, knock on the door." "And... what is my motivation for doing so?" asks the actor. Says Reiner: "The actor replacing you in this scene is in there."
Theatrical Logic: On is in, off is out, up is back, down is front, and, of course, right is left and left is right. A trap doesn't catch anything, a fly does. You can't buy anything with a purchase line, a gridiron has nothing to do with football, a running crew rarely gets anywhere, and strike is work (in fact, a lot of work). But the best thing you can do is break a leg. --Author unknown
Crew Fight Song: We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful. We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
An actor goes to a factory and asks to speak to a manager. "I'm an actor a I'm looking for a job for a while? Can you help me?" "Sure," replies the manager "How's $75,000 a year and a company car sound? Can you start tomorrow?" "Are you joking? " asks the actor. The manager smiles and says, "You started it!"
Question: What's the difference between God and a director? Answer: God never pretended to be a director.
Theatrical Logic: On is in, off is out, up is back, down is front, and, of course, right is left and left is right. A trap doesn't catch anything, a fly does. You can't buy anything with a purchase line, a gridiron has nothing to do with football, a running crew rarely gets anywhere, and strike is work (in fact, a lot of work). But the best thing you can do is break a leg. --Author unknown
Crew Fight Song: We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful. We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
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