"Family, friendship, religion. These are the three things you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to a maternity hospital or sitting in some phony balony church... or synagogue." -- Mr. Burns
"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." -- Homer
"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down." -- Homer
"Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything." -- Moe
"Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car. You have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube." -- Homer
"I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?" -- Bart
"Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie!" -- Apu
"Last night's "Itchy & Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world." -- Comic Book Guy
"Why do I have the feeling that someday I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?" -- Lisa
"Lisa, I've had it with you and your stories. "Bart's a vampire." "Beer kills brain cells." Now let's go back to that... building thingy... where our beds and TV... is." -- Homer
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